Stanley Thermos

For me, the first image of a Stanley thermos that pops into my mind is the old green thermos that I saw my dad carry off to work. It wasn't just green, mind you. It had white paint streaked across it in no certain pattern at all from where my little sister had gotten into a can of paint and expressed her artistic nature.  The thermos was one of many items to receive her young expressions before my mom discovered her.

My dad was the mechanic/fixer at the local cotton mill. Here in the South, entire towns were built around cotton mills. The cotton mills pretty much owned the town they were in, creating mill houses just for the workers. Most mill houses were two stories and had a wall that made two houses out of one. The mill house boom was way before my time; I never lived in a mill house.

As far back as I can remember, my grandfather had already retired from the furniture plant. I do remember, in his building (He would skin my hide when he would catch me in there, maybe he didn't want me finding the Playboys he kept in a black bag inside of a box, on top of an old chair that hung on the wall inside of the building) on a shelf sat his old black metal lunch box and an old Stanley thermos. I inherited that old combo many years ago.

As far as my father's thermos, I'm not sure what became of it. When I was a boy around the ripe age of 8, I thought I could turn his thermos into a Roman candle.

I took apart many packs of the the old bottle rockets and Black Cat firecrackers,

( You could buy the bottle rockets and Black Cat fire crackers at almost any store back then.  Age didn't matter. Hell, my grandmother would hand me and my cousin a handful of fire cracker packs and a lighter, and she would tell us not to come back 'til supper time.)

 putting all the powder and wrappers in the thermos, and thinking it needed extra help, I also added kerosene in it from the oil lamps. A Roman candle did not happen. Nothing really happened, just a lot of smoke... Followed by a belt on my ass, once my father caught me. It was worth every minute.

Many years later, I received my first Stanley thermos as a graduation present from my father (minus the fire works) .That green thermos quickly became part of my gear anytime I went fishing, hunting or anything outdoors that I wanted to take ice tea or the such with me. It was also great to hide beer in when sneaking in to those hidden fishing holes. I still have that thermos, and I still use it, but only when I'm hunting and the such.

Today, I work the night shift at the local psychiatric hospital.  I carry a Stanley thermos every night, and two, when I work 16 hour shifts. They have been dropped from time to time. Some nights you have to drop everything and react to a situation on the ward. It has had no affect on the thermos. They still keep my coffee hot. Some times that hot cup of coffee on break gives me that much needed reset after a stressful night on the floor.

Johns river, Burke County NC

Up until a couple of years ago, I thought Stanley only made a thermos. I was looking for a water bottle for my wife,  and I happened across the Stanley section in the store, and there sat the familiar Stanley thermos.  Beside them sat a water bottle and a coffee mug.

I purchased the water bottle, on the promises on the label of  it keeping beverages cold for X-many hours. My wife was extremely impressed with how long it kept water cold. I went back a couple of weeks later and purchased the coffee mug for her. She was happy with the performance of the mug also. A couple months later I borrowed her water bottle one night, and I was actually impressed with it. A couple days later I went and got me one. After that, I was hooked. I began trying out other Stanley products.  Then they came out with products for spirits and beer... It was all over for me.  I became addicted.

Since then, there's not a day that has gone by where I haven't used some sort of Stanley product. Which brings me to this, I have no connections with Stanley, by any means. I'm down here in Western NC.  I'm only a fan of their products. I've noticed on certain forums and social media, of the repeated trolls crying about Stanley being made in China, how cheap they think they are now, on and on. Trolls are going to troll.  I only speak from using Stanley products. I've not had an issue with anything.  Being an avid Stanley product user, I feel like the trolls are coming at me too by criticizing Stanley products.  I've noticed on forums where people are crying that they will never buy a Stanley thermos because it's made in China.  Then, in another forum, the same people are bragging about buying all this Chinese and Russian made 7.62.

People on social media crying about the same thing.  You click on their profile and see that big flat screen.  They have no trouble with overseas merchandise. I own a couple of older Aladdin Stanleys.  Yes, they are a lot heavier, but does that make them better? Was your 100 pound 70's floor model TV better than that 30 pound flat screen you now have? (which is made overseas)

It's called technology, people! If Stanley was made in the USA, it would cost a $100 for a stainless steel water bottle! Then people would bitch about that.  I sure as hell wouldn't pay $100 for a water bottle, I don't care where it was made.

Hell, I still believe the old glass Gatorade bottles make the best water bottles.  Then again, I miss the sardine tins with the keys.

Then you have people buying other products based on their names alone.  I could name several.  Yeti is one.

  They came out with their stainless steel tumblers this year.  Guess where they are made?  Yep, overseas, probably made on the exact machines as Stanley's products.  Yeti even says that if you want a cooler that's guaranteed to be made in the USA, you need to contact them personally. Think about that when you pick up that Yeti cooler for the holidays.

Most metal and steel products are manufactured overseas now a days.  It's just cost efficient. Even if it says “made in USA” that does not guarantee it's 100% made here. Some products will even say "assembled" in the USA. I use to work at a lighting fixture company,  creating lights for ball parks, Disney, high end furniture, etc.  Sure,  we slapped the “made in USA” sticker on them, but the metal housings came from over seas.  We would un-box them, hang them on the line, run them through the paint booth, and off they went. I enjoyed un-boxing them.  They always wrapped the housings in newspaper, and I loved looking at the gadgets they had over there. Made in the USA VS Assembled USA

Before you embarrass yourself as a whiny, cry-ass troll online or on social media:

1) Make your account private so everyone can't see what a hypocrite crying troll you truly are, crying about products made overseas.  In your pictures, you clearly have little Asia in your house and that TV and PC you can't live with out.

2) Actually buy and test the product before trolling it.  From what I've seen, Stanley is happy to replace any non-working products, even their older stuff. As many thermoses as they make and ship world wide, sure, there's going to be a dud or two. You wouldn't condemn an entire brand of vehicles if an alternator went out on your car would you. (Some people probably would.)

 3) Don't be a dick! If you want to dribble bile from your mouth, behind your computer, make your own post. Quit chiming in on someone's comment or post. Were you not breast fed as a child? Mommy not show you enough attention?

I'm excited to see what 2016 will bring and what new products Stanley will put out. Stanley even has a Golden Stanley award.

picture from Stanley's Facebbook page

Short of saving Orphans from a burning orphanage, I'm not sure how else one may win one. I save turtles from burning leaf piles and help them cross roadways, which in itself is pretty dangerous since most people don't pay attention while driving. I've had to dive for safety on several occasions.

(Remember to always help turtles cross when it's safely possible, and to always place them to the side of the road in which they are facing.)

 I also help hurt turtles and heal sick ones, so that they can return to the wild. I wonder if that may apply!? Off to the thinking table!

Does Stanley's products being made overseas bother me? It's 2016. The world is changing every minute of the day. Life is short--way too short for such trivial things. The only things I care about with the “Stanley made” business, are the memories and moments I've "made" with family and friends over the years and the memories we're going to continue to make with Stanley products. (Especially with their spirit line.) That's the only "made" I give a shit about and will continue to give a shit about.

On that note, it's beer time!

To Skin a Zombie

I guest blogged this a few years ago for Author Tonia Brown. 

To Skin a Zombie

By Drew Mellon

The secrets to skinning zombies are closely guarded. Only family members or close family friends ever learned the tricks of the trade. So why am I telling you now? Well, I've been in this trade many years now, and my hands aren't what they used to be, nor is the trade. The skin trade industry has become corrupt, and green horn skinners are turning themselves because of ignorant mistakes in the skinning process.

First thing, you need the tools of the trade: a good knife--not one of those stainless steel shiny things, but a good carbon steel blade. They just skin these things better. You need a skinner. You can use pliers, but they become greasy from the fat and oily skin, causing slipping of the skin. Just get you a skinner tool made for frogs; they work the best. You also need a gambrel. One used for deer will be good.

The second thing, and this is an important one, make sure the damn thing is dead. There ain't nothing like having one hanging up, you make your first cut, and the damn thing looks up at ya.

Like most skin/fur bearing animals, the back is the most valuable. If you have some zombie beat all to hell, just cut out the back piece. After they've been dispatched, roll 'em over, pecker/cunt down. Most older zombies are likely to have cysts on their backs. That's fine. It will be handled during the fleshing process. Those do tend to bring less at the buyer. A good tattooed back is money in the bank (them Germans love their ink poster art).

I like to start up around the left shoulder blade. You don't just start cutting. You can screw up and puncture through that bastard, and you'll have a hell of a mess. Take your hand, place your finger tips on the back of the shoulder area, applying pressure. Now pull that area of skin down taunt and begin your cut; you want to do this all around the back until you have a complete separation of skin. You may have to go around old wounds and the like. By doing this there should be an inch gash boarder around the center piece. Get your pliers/skinner tool and grab a hold of the top corner of the skin and slowly but steadily begin to pull, at an angle. Some skins will come off with no trouble, but others will put up a resistance, and you'll have to release that corner and grab the opposite corner, pulling in the same manner until you hit resistance, repeating until it's off. (They say all men are created equal, but not their damn skin. Yellow, black, brown, white, thick, thin--it's all different and requires different tanning processes.)     

Now that you have the back piece, always roll it flesh side in until you get ready to scrape it. If you have a male zombie, roll 'em over. The next thing you want to get is his cod sack. (Those English love cod sack chain purses.) Unfortunately, most zombie cod sacks are covered in dried, caked-on shit from where they shit on themselves after dying. Normally, in just the back hide taking process, I don't even bother with the cod sack. But if it's an unusually large cod sack, I will go to the trouble. Pick ya up a stick and beat the hell out of it. A lot of the shit will crumble off of the cod sack, depending on the freshness of the zombie. Putting shaving cream on the area will pull that shit right off of them and helps with the odor. You want to wrap your thumb and index finger around the sack and pull them out toward the feet as far as possible. Make a circular, oval cut around the base of the sack. This gives enough skin to be folded over in to create a nice seam to be stitched. After removal, you will want to squeeze the sack, which will make the balls rise to the top. They are held in by a membrane. Just make a slice in the membrane, and they will pop out.

With female zombies you want to cut off their breasts. Pull them up and back toward the head, cutting half moon cuts under them and doing the reverse action on the top half. The breasts make tobacco pouches that never allow the tobacco to go dry.

Full body skinning:

Fresh zombies can be skinned whole since their skin is almost perfect. For this you will need to hang 'em up. You need to hang them upside down. You can't just tie a rope around their feet and hang 'em. One, they can slip out. Two, unlike that shit you see on TV, most zombies have broken ankles and their bodies can't be supported. Make a vertical cut (not deep) down the Achilles tendon, slide your finger in and pull it out enough to get the hook of the gambrel to go under and out the other side. Repeat with the other ankle. Now raise the zombie up with the gambrel. The hands should be almost to the ground or on the ground, depending on how tall the zombie is. Now, go ahead and make a complete cut around both wrists, the neck (or if the head is missing, there's no need to), and you will also want to make a complete cut around both ankles below the insertion of the hooks. Be careful when doing this. The weight on the Achilles tendon will make it taunt and raise it next to the skin. You do not want to cut through the tendon. It will break with the leg falling off the hook, making it a pain in the ass to finish skinning.

Now start on the inside of the ankle (either one), make a slice all the way down, right behind the genitalia area--do both sides the same--and with the skinning tool/pliers, begin to pull the skin off and down the leg. This is done the same way as we did the back until you reach the base of the ass. Take your knife and cut around the anus, slicing moon shaped cuts along the inside of the butt cheeks. Stop at the base of the tail bone; take your knife and slide it under the cod sack area, separating the cods and the dick muscles. With females, you want to cut in and around the genitals to be able to pull out the lips. These areas will be the meatiest parts of the skin.

The most common accident a green horn does to condemn himself is to nick himself with his knife. This is an automatic death sentence to the untrained. Nature is a weird thing. It repeats itself on different levels. Like a catfish, when you get stuck by the barbs of a catfish, it burns and becomes inflamed. However, if you squeeze the catfish and rub the secretions onto the spot, it stops the burn and the swelling. Guess what! Zombie ass juice prevents you from turning from minor cuts and scratches. We call it "milking the ass." You do this by pushing up and in on the zombie's ass. The ass secretes a white substance that can be rubbed on the cut or scratch. It will stop the infection and you will not turn.

By now the skin should be hanging around the upper hip area. To skin on down from this point, you will need to pull with your hands the stomach and the love handles, which are the toughest part. It's just pull and cut. Don't worry about the fat sticking to the skin; it will easily scrape off. A little trick I like to use is to put a golf ball in behind the skin hanging down from the zombie's back and one behind the skin hanging down the zombie's front. Push them through the skin so that you can tie a rope around the skin covered balls. You should have one end of the rope in the front tied around the skin covered golf ball and the other end around the ball in the back. Attach this rope to a 4-wheeler, horse, whatever, and slowly pull. The skin will peel right off the body to the shoulders.

Once you get to the shoulder area, you want to make a diamond cut around the armpit glands. (I call them glands. I don't give a shit what you call it.) You do not want to cut into them. The pheromones and scent from a ruptured gland brings zombies in droves. (You can insert syringes into these glands pulling out the liquid and putting it into vials for scent bait in the future.) After your diamond cut around the arm pits, make one last cut from the top of the diamond cut up the inside of the arms. Just peel the hide on down, as if it's a sweater. That's all there is to skinning a zombie.

Now, time to flesh and tan. That's another story.

******

Death Becomes Them...

 This morning I received a photo text from the wife. (It seems, I taught, Sardinas too well!) I was informed my youngest daughter opened her Gerbil cage, and Sardinas swooped in, grabbed mama gerbil, and killed her; Then ran off with the body and hid. 

When the wife approached Sardinas, he began to growl at her, (apparently, shes not read this blog, or she would not have fucked with him! She's lucky, Sardinas, spared her) My youngest daughter only said uh-oh... She learned a valuable lesson today. I did price Gerbils today (this female was gave to us , along with three others) 13 damn dollars! For a rat! That's crazy! Today is the end of the month long blog gig. I leave you with the many faces of "Sardinas the great!" 

Bow Pussy

Today, Sardinas learns one of the most important things of being a kick ass, the great cat! Today he learns...

  

After the mission has been completed, he will venture into 

Just remember, when your cat cries uncontrollably, it's because of Sardinas. When your cat disappears, it's because of Sardinas. When your cat commits suicide by road, it's because of Sardinas. When your cat is mauled by a wild animal, it's because of Sardinas. When your cat is stolen and ends up as dinner, it's because of Sardinas. When your cat contracts cat aids, Sardinas, set them up with a dirty pussy. When your fluffy becomes pregnant, it's because of Sardinas. Please don't let "Sardinas the Great" make you have your cat put down. Their is only one, "Sardinas the Great". The world needs peasants!

Come be tinned my brothers and sisters...

Sardinas has informed me, he wants to go to the holy land for vacation. SARDINE LAND... We will be spending next summer getting closer to our tin, that resides inside of us. I'm not one to push my beliefs onto any one (that's Sardinas) But, have you accepted a tin of sardines, as your tasty snack of choice? 

Can't buy common sense...

Should you hit a turtle with a mower, don't, I repeat DON'T, think it will crawl off and heal it's self, with a damn quarter size whole! Even better, don't wait almost two days, after you discovered "it didn't crawl off and miraculous heal" to get it help. Fly eggs, are like concrete. This guy was pretty much dead when I received him. I wasn't going to let him die covered in eggs, he was cleaned up, he died shortly after. Had we we received him after the encounter...

#9 with dumplings...

Lamb, Mutton, and Goat.

Gives Sardinas, A very shiny coat!

Chicken, Turkey, and Duck...

Turns Sardinas, into A happy buck!

When it's time for rabbits to die...

A sparkle appears, in Sardinas's eye...

Sardinas, expects prime choice cuts!

Anything less, is only fit for mutts!!!

All hail "Sardinas the Great"!!!

All others, should be sent to China, and served on a plate!